Sometimes it’s an involuntary mind-clinching jingle, maybe seizure inducing editing, or even a bad effort at masking something blatantly offensive, but whatever it is, these ads just drive us nuts. Some even bother to the point of hatred. They are the commercials that make you turn the channel. Make you not want to watch TV at all. Maybe even make you want to kill yourself. They are  ‘A Very Expensive Death’s’ Top 10 Worst Ad Campaigns Ever. Which is word…

 

10. Garnier Fructis- Code Green ft. Memphis Bleek???

I could think of something clever to say to rip this music video for a shampoo, but i think seeing is believing, or in this case, not believing….. 

Seriously though, this has to be a fucking inside joke.

 

9. Celebrex- Word Cartoons

If three-minute commercials are your thing, then fine. If you love ads about prescription drugs, perfect. If you drool over cheaply thought out, aesthetically displeasing cartoons, then your going ape shit right now. But my beef isn’t with any of that really. I’m more concerned with what we don’t see. Everything is made of words. Words about the product. They zoom in on warnings, side effects, and even good reviews. But, what’s all that other stuff say? What does the running dog say? A clause contracting you to life long service to the brand? How bout the clouds? Are they suggesting that the company now owns a part of you and shall see fit to dispose of you if they please? These are serious questions we need to be asking.

 

8. Bowflex- A Bit Of False Advertising 

This is the typical late-night commercial on cable. Show the fattest audience possible a way to become unnaturally ripped without ever leaving their living room.  Not only that, but they get to watch a free DVD while they lose their beer gut. And just to make sure the fat asses with no patience are convinced, they promise to produce results in a only few weeks.

 

7. Subway- 5… 5 Dollar… 5 Dollar Rope To Hang Myself

This is what happens when you have a product that’s too easy to sell. You get a horrible three-word jingle. It’s one of those life events that everybody remembers where they were when they first saw it. I remember thinking, “This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” I would have bet everything that I owned that it would be pulled from the airwaves within the next week. But I was wrong.  Very, very wrong.

 

6. Arrested Development- What Ad Campaign?

It may be for personal reasons that we decided to put this one on the list, but hell, it deserves it. For quite possibly one of the smartest, funniest, and down right greatest shows of all time, does anyone actually remember seeing a commercial for it? Two? Three tops? If you’re a fan of the show and you happen to be a YouTube nut or a DVD special features lover like me, you’ve probably seen David Cross’s rant about how Fox completely fucked the show over with a remarkable lack of plug. And he’s right. Look back on it,… Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, Jeffrey Tambor, and David Cross. How do you completely screw that up?!

 

5. Carl’s Jr.- How Guys Do… Nothing Right.

Whether its Breakfast, Fancy, or Guacamole, guys apparently don’t know how to do shit. Now, I’m not one to get easily offended often, especially to where it really bothers me, but for some reason, this just really gets to me. I mean, does anyone think that slicing an avocado in half and sticking it in a blender (seed and all) will make you guacamole? I don’t subscribe to some male movement or guys rights or any other B.S. like that, but these ads are just more in a long line of campaigns that set out to paint men as complete idiots. And I think its just really getting old.

 

4. Calvin Klein Jeans- Pants or Porn?

Calvin Klein Jeans have the important distinction of being the only ad campaign on this list to have been investigated by the FBI for suspicion of child pornography. And that was before their full-page ads featuring five year olds in their underwear.  Look, I’m all for controversy in the name of edgy-ness, but lets just leave the preschool kids alone.

 

3. Viagra- Viva Erection!

I’m sure it’s tough to create an appealing commercial for a pill that gives old guys hard-ons, but come on. A six man band in a broken down bar jamming to a revamped Elvis Presley song about medically enhanced erections? Is it just me or is that disturbing? Wouldn’t one of the guys been like, “Hey, what the fuck are you guys talking about?” According to these guys, probably not. They’re all too busy looking at each other and smiling awkwardly.

 

2. Coors Light- The Mountains Turn Blue, We Get It.

Coors thinks we’re all idiots. They stake an entire campaign on convincing consumers to drink their beverage as cold as physically possible, thanks to a label that tells you when its okay to drink it. This of course means that you won’t taste it at all, since anything extremely cold or hot isn’t picked up by our taste buds. So in the end, the Coors campaign is essentially a plea to prevent anybody from actually tasting their awful beer. Smart, but pathetic. And don’t get me started on their new can’s revolutionary “venting system”.

 

1. McDonalds- (Racist) Southern Style Chicken Sandwich

If you, just for a moment, try to ignore the disturbing, obvious racial stereotyping, which has been a part of McDonalds for about as long as I can remember, and just focus on the product, you can see a glaring problem. Mayonnaise, pickles, and chicken. That’s the best the geniuses at Mickie D’s could come up with. And that is southern style? Or is that what, as your commercials pretty outright suggest, is what black people will like? I’ve had my own personal boycott on McDonalds for years and years now. But when I saw this shit, I made sure to spread the word. 

 

JB, CW